writing is therapeutic, they say
I ought to do it more
I've been using other means of therapy, though, so don't worry
I haven't lost it yet
let's see
I've made a decision to eat cleaner & I've stuck to it for 4 months now - the same amount of time I've been going to bed without makeup ---- that's big bc I was notorious for the 'last night's eye makeup' look
I've read 1 book & listened to 10 audiobooks, 5 of which completely influenced my life (thank you Drew Barrymore, Donald Miller, & Leah Remini for being so inspiring)
I took up yoga & even bought a full year membership because I love it that much & am serious about continuing to get better at it
I am attending a weekly women's bible study with some badass chicks who love Jesus, men, & cookies
I feel more peace than anxiety on a regular basis
Food no longer has the power that it did over me
I feel closer to God than I ever have in my life
I feel closer to my husband than I ever have in my life
I feel more ME than I ever have in my life
here's something they don't tell you when they make progress & come out on top (i.e. what I'm feeling like is happening to me):
it's no easy ride. it's fucking difficult.
but it's SO worth it. the saying no to cake, the choice to stay in & work on homework instead of going to a friend's house to drink... it's hard, really hard. but waking up without the heaviness and guilt and shame is something 1) I never thought I'd feel again & 2) that is impossible to put a price on
thanks to Whole30 & a more paleo lifestyle, I find that my thinking is clearer and my decisions are more thought out. my house is more organized, as is my life. I am lighter (physically & mentally) & I'm more fun. I can tell that people enjoy being around me more than they used to. I'm calmer, & more likely to admit my faults than in the past. I am better.
as I said, it was not easy. that being said, my work is not done. it's never done. GOD's work is not done. GOD is not done with me. he is just getting started. it's like a fun ride at an amusement park, & right now I'm walking to the next line to get on the best ride there.
an awesome quote from my current tv obsession 'Sons of Anarchy' (I only have six episodes left... I'm crying) is "Don't ride alone." my awesome best friend & husband is always there for me, yes, but even if he wasn't (bc let's face it, not everyone is as fortunate to have a Zach Mariner in their life... srsly you're the fucking greatest person I will EVER know) - even if he wasn't - GOD is on this ride with me. He is holding my hand. He is holding me when I feel as if the ride will break down, as if I will literally fly right out & end up being splattered all over the pavement... He is taking care of me every step of the way for He built the way. He is the ultimate, the almighty, the FATHER that we all need. For, we don't all have fathers we need. and some of us, like my husband, have no earthly father & God is the only father they've really ever known. thank you, Father, for taking care of us & being you. thank you for this life & the struggles & misery that comes with it for without it we would not even enjoy the joy & love & peace. thank you.
xoxo
