Lately, I've been trying to do more. And at the same time, I've been trying to do less. Tricky, huh? I'm a workaholic at work but I'm also a bum when I'm off. I'm not the outdoorsy type and I don't scope out plays or events happening in the area. I'm a Netflix and takeout kind of gal. My husband also has the same interests. This is really nice because I never fear that I will be pulled away from the couch. If I am, it's to go get Taco Bell.
We do get out on occasion and for celebration, but for the most part we are huge homebodies. This has become more prevalent since we moved to Connecticut. I don't think that it's because we don't have family near or because we haven't been here long. I think we're finding our shtick. I like it. I can't stand hiking, unless you're rolling me up the damn hill and have an iv of coffee hooked up to me. I enjoy seeing how many episodes of a certain show I can watch in a certain amount of time. I do, however, require only one show at a time. I like to give all my attention to one. There are few exceptions to this rule.
I really don't enjoy big crowds, unless there's a great reason for it with a lot of food, alcohol, and again - coffee. I never went to parties in high school. Let's be honest, I was never really invited. But I like to think people knew I'd RSVP with no.
I enjoy sitting at my mom's house listening to Pink Floyd, Zeppelin, or U2 on my stepdad's record player while everyone talks about what they're feeling and drinks wine. I love being able to randomly decide that I want brownies and then I make them and they all get eaten. I love not feeling pressured by people.
At work, I feel pressure from the snooty customers. But then I remember that as their barista I have the power to either instill that snooty attitude or turn it around with a bomb ass latte and a brief but positive conversation.
I've also felt a lot of pressure recently with my new promotion. I've been after this promotion since November of 2013. I had only been with the company for four months, but my manager saw potential in me. He wasn't the best manager, but he appreciated my passion for the company and my desire to get things done and done right.
Since then, I have done nothing but work my ass off to get it. I have had to prove myself to two more store managers, a district manager, and not to mention the three other shift supervisors in my store. It's been a weird transition, especially since I went from being three peoples' inferiors to their equals. Then, on the other end I went from being ten peoples' equals to their superior.
It makes it hard to be friends with someone when you're constantly telling them to get shit done. Tomorrow starts my second full week in my new position. I've closed the store three times and opened it once. The open was rocky and the closes are fun. It's a rush getting a to-do list of about one hundred tasks done by a certain time.
A week and three days my current store manager will be retiring and I have to say it's a pretty bittersweet situation. These things always are. She's been with the company just over a decade, but had very few on her side. She's a gem of a human, but just not cut out for management. I hope the very best for her and for us. So many people are happy she's leaving and all I can think about is how awful the next one could be.
It could always be worse.
God is really putting my patience and hard work to the test this year. It's only 25 days in and let me tell you I feel like New Years was almost three months ago. I'm not even exaggerating. These three and a half weeks have dragged on like a Tarantino film. FYI, Tarantino films are in my top five but man he sure does keep them at two hours.
Connecticut is under a winter storm warning for the next two days and we're about 95% sure we'll be closing early tomorrow, closed Tuesday, and opening late on Wednesday. I could not be more happy about these circumstances because both Zach and I are off Tuesday and Wednesday (I am however on call pretty much always but guys keep your fingers crossed.)
My best friend Vicky is coming in town late Thursday night and I really would love if the roads would be cleared and safe for her to drive on by then. I really need her right now. I don't have many girl friends, and my best ones are all at least nine hours from me.
Being a homebody is weird because I feel that I hate people but then I get mad because I feel like they hate me and that's why I never go anywhere with anyone. It's so stupid because every single Sunday I have the option to get up and go to church and then go to lunch with anywhere from ten to twenty people in their 20s like me and not be a loner. However, for the last six Sundays or so I've chosen to stay home and sleep in and have myself a breakfast and devotion with just me and God. I much prefer that.
Sometimes I feel guilty for doing it though, selfish or lazy. But I'm telling you, it is so important that I do it because it's one of the only times I have promised to do it. I was raised that Sunday is a day of rest and when I'm working every Sunday night I feel like I need the rest of the day to be relaxing because any other day I don't let myself relax. I literally make up stupid to do lists just to fill my time so that I don't relax. I went six months without relaxing in a bath and then this month I started back. I think I've had seven in the past two weeks.
It's so important to make myself relax and spend time with myself because if I don't, I actually break down and forget who I am. I feel as if I don't know who the fuck is looking back at me in the mirror. Seriously, this happened last weekend. Zach and I went to NYC for his birthday and stayed the night in the city after going to our first Broadway show and a really nice sushi restaurant and we got cheesecake at Juniors with my stepbrother and his girlfriend. I have never felt so alive as I did that night.
That night we had no responsibilities. It was just me and him enjoying life. Then, at about 10:30am, we headed back home and I just froze. I got really upset with Zach for not knowing that when we got Chick-fil-a on the drive back, I wanted to go inside and eat - not through the drive-thru. I was being so irrational and bitchy. About thirty minutes from home I requested that we go to the mall because I wasn't ready to go home yet. Like I said, the pressure from work had really been getting to me and I needed all the distraction. I had just got paid that morning and could really use some retail therapy.
So, we went and I only dropped about forty bucks at Forever21. We went home, and I completely crashed in our bed after like an hour of tossing and turning and changing what show I was watching on Netflix. I then proceeded to sleep way too much the next two nights. My mom pointed out to me that I should probably cut back on the alcohol since it's a depressant and depression and substance abuse run in my family, on both sides.
So, I'm drinking more water and less alcohol as well as less coffee. That's a hard one for me considering where I work and my genetics. I'm still trying to find out what it is I want to do. Thankfully, there isn't a rush on that from anyone in my family - by blood or law.
I'm having a bit of a quarter life crisis but my husband and my God remind me that they are with me every step of the way and that is so much more than I deserve.
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