watch it

I was home not that long ago, but it feels like it's been years.

Things go way too fast up north and I hate it. I really thought that I liked it, and maybe if I was better at it then that would be one thing. But I'm not. I'm not good at the "go, go, go" way of living. I was raised in a home where you take your time. Most of my grandmother's day was spent cooking and cleaning and watching TV. And fuck, I love doing all three of those.

I just want to spend all of my time doing those things and making crafts. I love drawing lately, and I need to write more. But it seems like I can't even catch up on life right now. I'm so overwhelmed by everything all the time.

If it isn't my housework, it's schoolwork, and then nine times out of ten it's that terrible store.

I'm leaving the first chance I get. The store is poison. I can't keep allowing myself to be a part of it. It's a fucking joke. I know that I'm there for a reason, I know. But you know what? I can't change these people. They are content to work random hours at a company that (is fucking amazing, okay?) and complain about every minute detail they can summon. It's pathetic and I hate it for them, but they've settled and they've accepted that and it's not my place to try and help them. I thought that it was and I tried that. I almost killed my sanity in the process. Yes, these people are THAT difficult. It goes beyond the work stuff. The majority of them lack common sense completely. It's draining when I've seen things done so much better and more efficiently, and I can't get anyone on the same page. It seems like they want to be miserable. And I am notttt about that life.

I miss my family a lot lately. It was my younger sister's twelfth birthday last week. She's growing up so, so fast and I feel like I'm missing all of it. I think that social media honestly makes it more difficult. I'm constantly reminded that I'm not there for birthdays and stuff. Social media can suck it, honestly.

Technology in general is such a bittersweet thing. I love a lot of things that it offers but I feel like it's sucking the ever living life out of me between school and relaxing. I can seriously sit in front of the television for eight hours straight with minimal breaks and no human interaction without a problem and then I have to sit for about the same for schoolwork and I just feel so weird afterward. It makes me want to just run away and sit on a beach with literally no technology. I hate it so much sometimes. But I can't get away.

Okay, wow, I'm ranting and it's fucking terrible. Sorry, just really needed to get it all out.

Hope you enjoyed reading this pile of shit in word form.