I'm finally home

"

You're my harbor in this lonely storm

Your love

here in my maker's arms

I find my soul

here in my maker's arms

I'm finally home

here in my maker's arms

come home

I'm coming home

Your love is enough

"

- Jon Foreman

God, you are my everything.

You are my reason for breathing, my reason for living. 

You are why I keep walking through this broken world. 

I am being used to put back together what I, and others, broke.

Thank you for loving me even when I am unlovable.

life is funny sometimes. it kicks you on your ass just when you think you can't walk another step. it's timely in that way, forcing you to sit down because you don't have to walk another step. my spirit is weak because my faith is strong. my Father tells me that I am to be entirely dependent on Him. so, I will follow Him. I am weak but He is strong.

how does God speak to you? for me, it's through music, through television and movies, and even through numbers and street signs. any and all things I involve myself in constantly, He shows up. He's pretty awesome in that way.

"the creative adult is the child that survived."

I was conditioned as a survivor, but now I consider myself more of a warrior. God, my husband, and yoga constantly reiterate this to me. I am a fighter of the Utmost, the Highest. I will press on.

thank you, Father

it's not been quite two years, but it's getting there, that I've lived in Connecticut. for most of it, I hated it. for most of it, I've tried to resist it. for most of it, I didn't understand it. but the smaller portion of my time here has been the most wonderful. the most recent times here have been the most beautiful. for the happiest people are the ones who choose to look at life differently. though I am in a primarily cold and difficult place in terms of geography, I am in one of the warmest and smooth places spiritually. 

I feel as if God and I have created a new relationship, one almost not connected to the last one. the same goes for me and my husband. there are hard times in every relationship, times that people don't like to be reminded of. accept those times. they are yours. they helped mold you. if you disregard their occurrence, you will eventually disregard their effect as well. for example, if you fell and broke your leg because you were running somewhere you shouldn't have... would you regret running in the wrong direction though it helped you realize the right one? or would you accept and appreciate what it showed you?

I took a new way to get to a coffee shop that I frequent. I've only went this way once before, and I thought that I could remember it. I got turned around and as soon as I realized it, I pulled over and turned around. then I got lost again, but I recognized some landmarks around me. I couldn't remember exactly which way I was supposed to go, though I had a hunch. I tried pulling it up on my GPS but my signal wouldn't reach. I went the way that I felt was right, and I started to recognize places again. I was coming up to a turn where I wasn't sure which direction was right. then, out of nowhere my GPS started up again, just in time for me to make the right turn. I nearly started crying out of joy because of how beautiful the experience was for me. I get lost a lot and I find a certain thrill from being so lost and then finding my way back. I never feel fully lost that I can't get home or to where I'm going. I fully trust in God that He will help me get back. this whole situation, and many similar to it, feel like metaphors to what I do sometimes in life. I try and go someplace I think I know well. once I realize it's not what God had planned, I pick up my things and redirect myself. it's a beautiful thing, being a lost child with a Father who loves them. I never do these things on purpose; I'm not into that kind of torture. I used to be, but I've come too far to go back. He reminds me of this constantly. 

there's a road that I pass on the way to this coffee shop I'm writing at. it's called Strong St and it has "No Outlet." I take this as a reminder from God that though there are weak spots and luring places on the way, there is no escaping the strength He has given me.

it doesn't matter where you are, geographically, or spiritually, with Him you are home.

God is your home.

God is my home.

He is enough.