father's day

Dad,

Thank you for giving me away. I know it couldn't have been easy to hand over your oldest daughter shortly after she turned 20. You never had a problem with Zach & cried when he asked for your permission to propose. I thought your lack of overprotective behavior was due to the bipolar, & in some way maybe it is. But I also think it's just because you trusted my judgement at that point. You were in a mental hospital when Zach & I first started talking. I was also being pestered by an ex-boyfriend. Manipulated into thinking I didn't deserve a beautiful boy like Zach. Sometime that week I put an end to the damaging emotional abuse between he and I. I chose Zach. You didn't know all this was going on, for your mind was elsewhere and so was Mom's. In a way, everyone's mind was elsewhere. None of us were on the same page for a few years, looking back. Noah, Rachael, I simultaneously made a silent agreement somewhere along the lines to walk hand in hand together. We held on tighter when you lost your job & Mom saw it as an opportunity to leave Virginia once and for all. Things got harder as the weeks past & we packed our lives once more. I wouldn't change any of it, though. I just analyze the shit out of it trying to figure out how it can help me now. I've figured out a lot of it. The hows. The whys. But I also know that sometimes not knowing things are okay. Like God's ultimate next step for me. I keep saying I don't know what to do next. Being a recently recovered control freak, this is a huge step. Thank you for helping me take that step. I spoke with you for the first time yesterday in nearly 2 months. It was my choice this time. It wasn't unplanned like your times. This was on my terms and unfortunately that's how it needs to be for right now. I appreciate your understanding and your respect for my time and space. Thank you for still being my father. Zach lost his dad 9 years and one day ago. Talk about difficult. I admire him so much for waking up every morning & going to work & caring for me. He takes care of me & he loves me more than I even know how to put into words. And I love him just the same. Zach & I saved one another. I truly believe that. I am forever grateful for that. Thank you for giving me away. Happy Father's Day.

Your daughter