2 cool 4 school

/I CAN'T DO THIS/
Dog ate my homework. Even though I don't have one.
I forgot. It was a voluntary forgetting, but still.
I honestly didn't know how. I probably would if I actually paid attention, but I didn't.

School has always been so hard for me. Neither of my parents have any schooling beyond their high school diploma. Until a year ago, when my mom went back to school and got her Associate's, go Mom!! I almost didn't go. If it wasn't for my husband, I don't know that I would have even bothered applying to places. I would probably still be living at home working some dead-end part time job, and babysitting my siblings for the other part time. Which, isn't even paid in real money but in groceries and a roof over my head. I don't mind that pay.

I decided to apply to Virginia Tech only because Zach was going there at the time and it meant we'd be living in the same city for the first time in two years. Long distance is not something I recommend for anyone unless you are planning to be with the person forever. It is only worth it if they are. Anyway, so I applied. I got in. I took out a little over $20,000 in student loans. I didn't even choose a major my freshman year. Then, I decided it was way too crazy expensive to be wasting my time at a school I didn't even really enjoy going to... I didn't enjoy going to any school.

January 13, 2013 I went back home to Chattanooga, TN putting me and Zach back in a long distance stage. We had gotten so much closer over the past nine months, though, and I knew this time would be the last. I picked up two jobs, moved in with my dad to avoid babysitting and transferred to a community college in the area. I was so poor that the school gave me so much financial aid that I didn't owe anything. In fact, I got checks sent to me to assist me in things other than tuition and fees. It was great.

But I couldn't do this for the next four years. I wasn't going to be away from Zach for any longer than I could control. I saved up enough money to get me living back in Blacksburg, VA with Zach. I moved in with two girls who I had went to high school with my freshman and sophomore year, when we all lived in Lynchburg, VA. They weren't the greatest roommates, but this way I was there. Zach and I had agreed we wouldn't live together until we were married. Which, at this point was about seven months away. Another reason why I needed to be in the same city. I wasn't about to marry a man I had hardly spent time with in the prior year. Sorry, I just wasn't. Remember, I'm a skeptical being. Or was. I can't figure out which.

So, I was advised by my academic advisor to lie about where I lived. Seriously, he told me to say I was still living in Chattanooga and he even helped me sign up for all my classes in their online versions. He made sure they didn't require me to come in town except for my finals. Dear God, that weekend I went home just for finals was dreadful. I hadn't seen my family in three months and I was supposed to be studying and acing my exams. That did not happen. I passed, though, and that's all I cared about to be completely honest.

Fast forward to August of 2013, Zach and I were newly wed. Some things for school fell through and I had already decided not to take summer classes so that I could focus on planning the wedding. Which, I didn't actually do. My mother-in-law did that for me (thanks!!!). Then, I decided that with my new job at Starbucks (I started that June) and just being married (hell yeah) as well as being a Mary Kay consultant (I started that in July. what a laugh) that I should focus on those things.

Okay, I don't have any idea how I filled my time because I honestly got very little progress of anything worth mentioning done that semester I took off. Oh, I watched all six seasons of Dawson's Creek. SEE, not worth mentioning. (Pacey and Joey though)

After this ridiculous decision, I made sure to sign up for classes that would help me graduate. (OH, I didn't mention how I took BS classes because somehow my schedule got deleted from the previous semester and I had to re-register, ending up with classes that didn't count toward my Theatre degree) So, I had to make certain that this semester would finish my Associate's degree for real. I was sick of messing around. Spoiler: I DID IT. I actually got my degree. It got mailed to my mom's house, and I'll get it when I visit Thanksgiving, but still!! I couldn't believe it.

Then this awesome incredible thing happened where my job that I already LOVED offered to pay for me to get my Bachelor's degree. Wait, what?! God loves me. Seriously, He does. So, now I'm going to Arizona State University online to finish up and I don't have to pay for it! This is a blessing.

It's still hard sometimes, though. I find it so incredibly difficult to be interested in Western film. Even though I'm a film student, I do have films I prefer. Westerns just don't make the list. Not to mention it's all about the identity of the state of Arizona, too. That just sounds like history and I never ever did well in those courses.

But I'm going to push through. I just sent an email to my Western film professor asking for feedback, because I wasn't happy with my last discussion post grade. I noticed I was caring less and less. I don't know if it's the winter depression thing or if work is distracting me, or if I just don't care about Westerns. Whatever it is, I have to shake it. I can't be letting school fall by the wayside. I've done it before and the circumstances just aren't worth it.

I did my homework. I didn't get the best grade, but I know better now.
I know what I have to do to get the grade that I want.
I'm going to have a Bachelor's degree.
I'm going to be the first in my family to have a Bachelor's degree.
This is my motivation.
I have to remember my motivation.
/I CAN DO THIS/