l is for the way you lie to me

I don't know who I was more mad at. Yes I do. I was mad at my mom. Then he hurt her. He had never hurt her. Well, not physically anyway.

I still have flashbacks of the night I was woken up by my mom screaming for me to call 9-1-1. This wasn't the first time. But it was different. Standing across the hall yelling, screaming, begging for him to stop. Nothing. He was ignoring me. Did he not realize how insane this was?

It's a ring. Yes, you bought it for her, but it was a gift. One you gave her twenty years and some change ago. You do not have to twist her arm over it.

But he almost did. I had to take pictures of the bruises for court reasons. Or family services, I'm not really sure which. Either way, I took them. And they're there in that fun little part of my brain for probably forever.

He's much different now. They both are. They're so much better without each other. How they got together in the first time I still don't understand. For me, I think. And Noah. And Rachael.

Rachael. Rachael was a surprise to everyone. A beautiful, fun, and pleasant surprise. In 2005 we were living in Franklin, Tennessee. Right out of Nashville, where all the stars were born. Where I went to church with Miley Cyrus. Miley Cyrus in a church. Sounds like a bad joke. Rachael made us all better.

I didn't see my dad for a while after that night. He got arrested twice more. Had he gotten himself thrown in just one more time, it'd have been prison. Georgia didn't care about mental illnesses. You commit a crime, you do the time. With or without medication. Medication: something you should take if prescribed to you when you have said illnesses.

He had stopped a few months back. Probably right before he got laid off. He did that. Unfortunately, it's a part of bipolar disorder that sneaks up and acts.

Doctors also don't help this matter. If my dad felt he was too sleepy, they would edit the amount. Stupid. Side effects are inevitable. You must keep people sane. You must keep them well.

I think that's why I haven't been to a doctor but maybe five times since this instance. I find it hard to believe what their saying when I look at my bill for the pain killers I don't need and can't take because with them I cannot drive or go to work. I need to work to pay the bill. Do you understand where one would get baffled?

It wasn't his fault that he had this disease. It wasn't his fault. It wasn't hers either. It is, however, what caused it all.