what if

"It is a risk to love. What if it doesn't work out? Ah, but what if it does."
- Peter McWilliams

My, oh my, how I love this quote. Because of my parents divorce, it was hard for me to completely give myself to someone. I still struggle with vulnerability every now and again, mainly because I saw my parents of twenty years let go of one another. My mom let go before my father. Four years later, I think he's still holding on. It's sad in a way, but so romantic in another. If my mother were to ask my dad back, he'd go back in a second. My husband and I actually met four years before my parents divorced. I was 13 and head over heels for the high schooler who asked if I could hang out at the local coffee shop. I still get giddy when he asks me out on a date.

Growing up, I only ever saw my parents hold hands once. I saw them kiss less than ten times. I never, ever remember them having a 'date night.' I do, however, remember constant bickering and many days spent apart. My dad's job required him to be gone approximately 200 days out of the year, none of which did my mom ever seem like she missed him. I'm sure part of this is due to my self-obsessed personality back then. This part of my upbringing has messed with me, I've at times thought that I will end up like my mother did and just throw my hat in. I am then reminded that it is only me who can control my future.

Though I struggle with all of this, I am also comforted by the fact that I have met a man who it did work out with. We've had our fair share of arguments and in all honesty we could have called it quits because of them, but we didn't. And we won't, because we have decided to honor and love one another until death do us part. Unlike most people today, that really means something to us.

I am by no means knocking on either of my parents. I feel like I constantly have to state this, because much of my feelings of my childhood come off that way. They aren't so, though; not in the slightest. I love both of my parents. They are two of the best people I know. They, however, are the other what if in the quote.